I’ve gone back and forth for over a month about what I want to say in this post. The purpose is simple, and it’s mostly to inform. Hey guys! I was pregnant, and then I didn’t post for a while, and now I have this awesome new baby. There is so much to say because my whole world has changed. I can’t whittle it all down to one concisely packaged story–all I can offer are sporadic thoughts and reflections on that last 6+ weeks.
Our son’s name is Rowan Fox Sargent and he’s a Leo. We mostly call him Row or Robo. He has deep blue eyes and often furrows his brow like he’s thinking really hard. Even if I’ve had the shittiest day in the world, one glimpse of his smile washes it all away in that moment.
After childbirth I felt freaking invincible. Like Wonder Woman. Maybe not as glamorous or slutty looking, but definite Justice League material. For various reasons, I chose to have a birthing experience without any pain medication. One might think I’m bragging about having a child naturally–HELL YES I’m bragging. If I can’t brag about this, than what? It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life. I’ll describe it as best and succinctly as I can: it doesn’t hurt, it’s more like a persistent, increasing agony, broken only with small, slightly less agonizing moments in between. But would I choose to go without pain meds again? Yes. It was crazy hard, but I’m so glad to have had that experience. I look back upon that memory and can draw such pure womanly strength from it. If I can do that, I can do anything. I am woman, hear me roar. Bitch.
The first thing I did after childbirth was request a Reese’s that I packed in my hospital bag and order a burger and fries to be delivered to my room. SO. HUNGRY.
Everything he does is entertaining to me. Baby toots. Baby smiles. Baby burps. Baby spit up. Baby blowouts. Even baby cries.
I can stare at his face for hours.
I have no life except to feed my little guy. I sleep in no more than 2 hour stretches and the rest of my day completely revolves around him. It sounds like it would be torturous, but in the moment, nothing else in the world remotely matters. I can’t even picture what life was like before him.
Breastfeeding suuuucks for the first few weeks. Wasn’t prepared for that one.
It’s really hard to adjust to all the body changes. I still have a lot of work to do to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes (which is a MUST because I’m not buying all new clothes!). Although I know I don’t look bad, I still can’t help but feel down about all the extra weight. I just don’t feel like myself. It’s more of a personal identity thing rather than a societal pressure thing.
MJ snapped these photos of us as we were getting ready to leave the hospital. Row looks so tiny here! Also, in a previous post I expressed my fear of going into labor with greasy hair. In the end, I didn’t fare too badly.
End note: Childbirth, breastfeeding, and caring for a newborn is a lot more multifaceted and complicated than I can convey in this post. I don’t aim to make any part of it seem more or less glamorous than it actually is. That being said, if you have further questions about my experiences, I’d be happy to discuss them at length with you. These things should be shared and talked about openly! Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.